>>> THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PROGRAM IS NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WTJX, IT´S BOARD, STAFF OR UNDERWRITERS.

♫♫ ♫ GO, GO, GO ♫ GO, GO, GO, GO ♫ YEAH ♫♫ ♫♫ >>> HEY, GUYS.

THANKS FOR TUNING IN FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF "THE WELCOME MAT."

A SPECIAL GUEST HERE TODAY WELCOME BACK FROM THE FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER LOCATED HERE IN THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> FABULOUS.

THANK YOU, AGAIN, FOR HAVING ME BACK.

>> THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

YOU HAVE SO MUCH INFORMATION TO GIVE US.

NECESSARY INFORMATION.

SO I APPRECIATE YOU VERY MUCH.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

>> YES.

OF COURSE.

>> YEAH.

IT´S -- IT´S NOT THE MOST FUN TOPIC EITHER.

>> AND SO MUCH AT STAKE.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE THE INFORMATION I GIVE IS ACCURATE, IT´S RELEVANT, BECAUSE WE´RE TALKING ABOUT CHILD ABUSE.

>> RIGHT.

>> THERE IS A LOT AT STAKE.

>> DEFINITELY.

>> YEAH.

>> WE´VE SEEN HOW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN FAMILY SETTINGS CAN REALLY ALTER THE LIVES OF THOSE INVOLVED.

ABUSE CARRIES LASTING TRAUMA AND ABUSERS MOST TIMES CONTINUE THEIR BEHAVIOR IF NEVER FORCED TO OWN UP TO THEIR ACTIONS.

NOT DISCUSSED ENOUGH, MINORS ARE ALSO VICTIMS OF ABUSE MANY TIMES MORE THAN ONCE.

AN ISSUE WAY COMPLICATED HISTORY.

LET´S TRY TO BREAK IT DOWN.

WHAT ARE SOME COMMON FORMS OF ABUSE?

>> WELL, ONE MOST EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT IS PHYSICAL.

I´LL GET TO THAT IN A MINUTE, BUT, YOU KNOW, ABUSE IS WHEN THERE´S, I WROTE IT DOWN TO MAKE SURE I GET THE EXACT WORDS.

IT IS ANY ACT OR FAILURE TO ACT ON THE PART OF A CARETAKER OR PARENT WHICH RESULTS IN DEATH, SERIOUS HARM OR EMOTIONAL HARM.

SO ANYTHING YOU DO THAT PUTS A CHILD´S SAFETY IN JEOPARDY.

>> UH-HUH.

>> AND WHAT -- WHAT FALLS UNDER THAT UMBRELLA OF SAFETY?

>> OBVIOUSLY THEIR PHYSICAL SAFETY.

>> UH-HUH.

>> NEGLECT IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

>> OKAY.

>> YOU KNOW?

NEGLECT IS FAILURE TO PROVIDE BAKE NECESSITIES, SUPERVISION.

BUT ABUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE´S THE PHYSICAL ABUSE.

BUT EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE IS WHEN YOU SAY THINGS TO YOUR CHILD THAT MAKES THEM FEEL ANYTHING LESS THAN WONDERFUL.

YOU´RE STUPID.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU´LL NEVER AMOUNT -- YOU´RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER.

YOU´RE JUST -- ANYTHING THAT BRINGS DOWN A CHILD´S SENSE OF SELF.

BECAUSE AFTER OUR BASIC NEEDS OF SHELTER, EDUCATION, MEDICAL CARE, FOOD, CLOTHING ARE MET, OUR NEXT BASIC NEED IS LOVE AND BELONGING.

>> YES.

>> WE NEED TO BELONG SOMEWHERE.

SO WHEN YOU INTERRUPT AND A CHILD GROWS UP IN A HOME WHERE THEY DO NOT FEEL LOVED AND BELONGED, BELONGING ANYWHERE, THAT IS -- THAT IS ABUSE.

>> DO YOU FEEL THAT MORE ABUSE HAPPENS IN THE HOME, OR IN THE SCHOOLS?

BECAUSE I KNOW -- I´M -- I´M AWARE THAT ABUSE IS HAPPENING IN THE SCHOOLS AS WELL.

WELL, CHILD ABUSE IS ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO CHILDREN UNDER AGE 18.

SO, YES.

YOU KNOW, THE RECENT REPORTS OF THE ALLEGED SEXUAL ABUSE, AT SCHOOL IS A FORM OF CHILD ABUSE.

WHAT MAKES THAT DIFFERENT IS, YOU CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX UNTIL YOU´RE 18.

YOU CAN´T.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> AND SO ANYTIME, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE, SOMEONE OLDER HAS SEX WITH SOMEONE UNDER 18 THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT, SEXUAL ABUSE, IT´S THE BASIC DEFINITION OF RAPE IS SEX COUNT COUNT -- WITHOUT CONSENT.

EVEN IF THAT MINOR SAYS, YES, THEY ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO CONSENT.

>> WE -- >> I WORKED CLOSELY WITH JEANETTE CHILD ADVOCATE, ON THE PROGRAM BEFORE.

PREVENTION EDUCATION ARM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT.

WHEN WE GO INTO THE SCHOOLS WE TELL KIDS IT DOESN´T MATTER IF HE OR SHE ASKS FOR IT, BEGS FOR IT.

>> YEAH.

>> IF THEY´RE UNDER 18, DON´T DO IT.

>> YEAH.

>> DON´T DO IT.

AND, YOU KNOW, THEY´RE LIKE, WELL, THEY LIE, WHATEVER.

OKAY.

IF YOU ARE OVER 18, THAT MEANS THAT IF YOU´RE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE FOR THE LAWS YOU´RE OLD ENOUGH TO UPHOLD THEM.

ASK FOR AN I.D.

IF YOU´RE NOT SURE, BECAUSE THERE´S THE CASE OF, A FEW MONTHS AGO WHERE A MINOR INITIATED A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS MUCH OLDER.

>> YEAH.

>> HE THOUGHT SHE WAS OLDER.

SHE WASN´T.

>> UH-HUH.

>> AND THE WHOLE STORY WHAT´S GOING ON BUT HE´S THE ONE THTROUBLE.

HE WAS CHARGED WITH RAPE I.

THINK I KNOW THE CASE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.

REALLY UNFORTUNATE, AND WHAT -- AT THAT POINT I WANTED TO FIGURE OUT, WANTED TO KNOW WHAT DO WE HAVE IN PLACE FOR, TO PROTECT PEOPLE FROM THOSE KIND OF SITUATIONS, EDUCATING THEM?

>> WE DO.

LIKE I SAID ALONG WITH -- WE DO A LOT OF OUTREACH ABOUT SAFE TOUCH.

UNSAFE TOUCH.

SETTING BOUNDARIES.

>> YES.

>> WHAT WE -- YOU KNOW, GO INTO COMMUNITY ORGANIZATIONS AND TALK TO PARENTS ABOUT WHAT TO LOOK FOR, AND HOW YOU CAN KEEP YOUR CHILD SAFE.

SO WE TEACH STRANGER DANGER.

TEACH THAT ALL THE TIME, BUT WHEN MORE THAN HALF OF THE PERPETRAORS OF CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT IS SOMEBODY THEY KNOW AND TRUST.

SO WE WANT TO TEACH KIDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SECRET SURPRISE AND PRIVATE.

AN ADULT WHO CARES FOR YOU IS NOT GOING TO ASK YOU TO KEEP A SECRET.

>> RIGHT.

YEAH.

>> SO I´M RAISING TWO BOYS.

>> OH, WOW.

>> SO I AM OFTEN WHERE I HAVE BEEN ON ONE END OF THE ABUSE SPECTRUM.

OFTEN FINDING MYSELF THINKING, OKAY.

HOW DO I TEACH MY SONS NOT TO ALLOW IT, ONE, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT A LOT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT BOYS ARE MORE QUIET ABOUT IT THAN YOUNG LADIES.

AS WELL AS, HOW NOT -- HOW NOT TO BE AN OFFENDER.

BECAUSE IT´S SO EASY TO CROSS THAT BOUNDARY WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING, BECAUSE MAYBE OUR CULTURE IS ACCEPTING OF THESE THINGS, OR MAYBE, YOU KNOW -- MY OLDEST SON, I HAVE TROUBLE TEACHING HIM BOUNDARIES.

BAKE UP.

GIVE ME SPACE.

GIVES IT TO ME.

I DO NOT WANT YOU IN MY SPACE RIGHT NOW!

LIKE -- >> PERSONAL SPACE.

>> YES.

SO YOU KNOW.

PROGRAMS TEACHING MEN AND WOMEN OR YOUNG MEN AND YOUNG WOMEN ALSO TO RESPECT BOUNDARIES AND NOT TO, YOU KNOW, RESTART THAT VERY EARLY, WE START THAT VERY EARLY, PERSONAL SPACE CAMP, SO TO SPEAK, ABOUT WHAT BOUNDARIES ARE.

AND THEN AS WE GET INTO THE MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL WE TALK ABOUT CONSENT.

>> YES.

>> WHAT DOES CONSENT MEAN?

>> OKAY.

>> EVEN THOUGH WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR VIDEOS, IN YOUR MOVIES, YOUR GAMES AND ALL THAT STUFF, HUH-UH.

THAT´S NOT THE REAL WORLD.

>> UH-HUH.

>> THIS IS THE REAL WORLD, AND WE TELL THEM, THE CONSEQUENCES.

>> YEAH.

>> AND YOU KNOW, THEY ROLL THEIR EYES AND THEY -- LOOK AT US LIKE, OKAY -- BUT JUST -- IT´S -- WE DO MAKE SURE WE GO IN AND TALK TO ALL THE CHILDREN, BECAUSE THEY NEED TO KNOW, BECAUSE THE CASE AT THE HIGH SCHOOL IT TOOK A KID TELLING FOR THESE FOLKS TO GET HELP, AND YOU MENTIONED SOMETHING.

SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY THE BOYS DON´T REPORT.

WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

ESPECIALLY IN THIS CASE, IS SAME-SEX SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NOT ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY.

THIS DOES NOT MAKE THEM VICTIM IS GAY, PERPETRATE SERGEI, ANY SCENARIO WHERE IT´S SAME-SEX.

SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE IS ABOUT SEX AS A POWER TOOL.

IT IS A WEAPON.

BECAUSE OF THAT MYTH, BECAUSE SO OFTEN MISCONSTRUED.

>> YES.

>> AND SO MEN AND BOYS TYPICALLY DON´T COME FORWARD, BECAUSE THEY THINK I´M GAY AND IN A CULTURE NOT ACCEPTING OF GAY MEN, THAT´S A SCARY THOUGHT.

AND THEN, RARE MINORS AND THEN PARENTS -- A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW THIS HAPPENED TO YOUR CHILD.

AT FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER WE ADVISE PARENTS OF ABUSE SURVIVORS TO ALSO GET COUNSELING.

A., YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES, BUT YOU ALSO NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD.

>> YOUR CHILD.

CORRECT.

>> AND SO, YOU KNOW -- IT HELPS TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS.

>> YEAH.

>> CONSENT AND BOUNDARIES.

SCENARIOS.

HERE´S A STORY.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?

AND OPEN COMMUNICATION.

IF YOUR CHILD CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE LITTLE STUFF, THEN THEY CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE HARD STUFF.

DEFINITELY TRY TO GET THAT OPEN KMUP KAGS.

>> THEY TALK TO ME ABOUT THINGS I´M NOT EVEN READY TO HEAR.

>> YEAH, I KNOW.

I KNOW!

>> I WASN´T READY FOR THIS.

BESIDES RECOGNIZABLE INDICATIONS OF CHILD ABUSE, THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM IN MANY CULTURES IS SEXUAL ABUSE, OR EXPLOITATION OF KIDS.

RIGHT HERE ON ST. THOMAS RECENT ARTICLES CIRCULATING IN THE NEWS ABOUT MEMBERS.

COMMUNITY ALLEGEDLY VICTIMIZING MINORS.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE THIS SITUATION RUN BY YOUR OFFICE?

>> WELL, WE RECEIVE REFERRALS FROM THE DIFFERENT AGENCIES, FEDERAL AND LOCAL AGENCIES AS WELL AS DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES, WHEN THE POLICE -- THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.

SO WHEN THESE VICTIMS ARE KNOWN, AND IN THE PROCESS, THE PROCESS STARTS, THEN WE GET THE REFERRALS.

WE DO HAVE SOMETIMES PARENTS WHO CALL.

THE CHILD DISCLOSED, AND THEY CALL.

>> YEAH.

>> I DON´T HAVE -- I´M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THE NUMBER.

BUT, YOU DON´T HAVE TO -- IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS, MY CLIENT ROSTER OF SEXUAL ASSAULT MINORS HAS GROWN, LARGE.

IT IS BIG.

AND SO -- YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THIS VIRTUAL STUFF, TEACHERS ARE THE FIRST GATEKEEPERS.

THE ONE THAT NOTICE.

AND NOTICE SOMETHING´S OFF, OR SOMEBODY IS NOT DRESSED HOW THEY USUALLY ARE.

GRADES DROPPED.

McING MORE AGGRESSIVE.

SOMEBODY ELSE DROPPING THEM OFF AT SCHOOL OR PICKING THEM UP OR ALWAYS ON THEIR PHONE.

SOMEBODY IS HANGING AROUND.

SO -- YOU KNOW, WE MISS THAT -- IT´S BEEN, BEEN TWO YEARS OF US NOT HAVING OUR GATEKEEPERS.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU´RE MAKING ME WANT TO CRY BUT I´M NOT GOING TO DO IT.

NOT GOING TO DO IT.

YOU KNOW, WHAT RESOURCES DO WE HAVE AVAILABLE HERE?

>> OUTSIDE OF, YOU KNOW, I KNOW WE HAVE THE FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER AND THE SUPPORT SYSTEM.

WHAT RESOURCES OUTSIDE OF YOU GUYS DO WE HAVE AVAILABLE, OR IN YOUR OFFICE EVEN?

DO YOU HAVE AVAILABLE FOR -- SUPPORTING A FAMILY THROUGH THAT?

>> OKAY.

WELL, FIRST OF ALL LET ME MENTION DV.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SEXUAL ASSAULT.

THEY DO EDUCATION.

BEFORE THE.

FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER AND OUR SISTER AGENCY IN ST. CROIX, WOMEN´S COALITION ARE A VICTIMS SERVICE AGENCY.

SO WE PROVIDE SERVICES FOR THE VICTIMS.

COUNSELING.

EMERGENCY SHELTER, IF NECESSARY.

COURT ADVOCACY.

GO WITH THEM WHETHER TO IMMIGRATION, TO THE COURT, TO DHS.

PATERNITY.

WE ADVOCATE FOR THEM TO BE ABLE TO KEEP THEIR LIFE AS NORMAL AS POSSIBLE AS THEY MOVE THROUGH.

THAT DOESN´T NECESSARILY MEAN THEY´VE LOST THE RELATIONSHIP.

WE STILL PROVIDE SERVICES EVEN IF STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

WE ALSO PROVIDE FOR CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ASSAULT.

HUMAN TRAFFICKING.

IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME WE CAN PROVIDE YOU SERVICES AND AT NO CHARGE.

THERE ARE RESOURCES.

WE ALONG WITH DVS DO OUTREACH.

GO TO CHURCH GROUPS.

AND NOW ZOOM.

I DON´T HAVE TO LEAVE MY HOME.

DO IT IN MY PJs AND CAN TALK TO KIDS OUTSIDE AND PARENTS, AND SO WE DO THAT JUST TO EDUCATE.

IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, I LOVE THE QUESTION AND ANSWER ONES WHERE PEOPLE GET TO ASK THE QUESTIONS.

SO THOSE OF THE RESOURCES THAT ARE THERE FOR US.

>> WHAT ARE SOME -- WHAT ARE SOME, LIKE, THE MENTAL EFFECTS YOU´VE SEEN ABUSE HAVE ON A CHILD?

AND HOW, YOU KNOW, LIKE DOES IT CREATE A PERPETUATING CYCLE?

>> WELL, WHEN A CHILD LIVES WITH VIOLENCE, IT AFFECTS THE DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR BRAIN.

RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, 50, 60 YEARS OF RESEARCH OF STUDYING THE BRAIN SHOWS THAT CHILDREN WHO HAVE LIVED WITH FAMILY VIOLENCE, THEY HAVE 20% TO 25% DIMINISHED CAPACITY OF THEIR PRE-FRONTAL CORTEX.

THE IMPORTANT PART, DEVELOPS LAST.

FUNCTION, CRITICAL THINKING, MEMORY, IMPULSE CONTROL, EMOTIONAL REGULATION.

>> WOW.

>> IMAGINE THIS.

YOU´RE A CHILD WHO LIVES IN A HOME WHERE TLIZ VIOLENCE.

CAN´T REGULATE EMOTIONS.

UP, DOWN, CRYING, TALKING.

IMPULSE CONTROLS, IN AND OUT OF YOUR SEAT NOT DOING HOMEWORK.

MEMORY ISSUES.

YOUR ACADEMIC TRAJECTORY JUST WENT -- >> YEAH.

>> WHEN YOU ALLARY CHILD´S ACADEMIC TRAJECTORY YOU ALTER THEIR ABILITY TO EARN A LIVING AND BE A PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY.

SO IF WE DON´T PAY FOR IT AND DEAL WITH IT AS A CHILD WE´RE GOING TO PAY FOR IT AS AN ADULT.

CHILDREN WHO LIVE WITH VIOLENCE TEND TO BE MORE VIOLENT.

CHILD ABUSE IS VIOLENCE.

WHEN THE ADULT IN YOUR HIGH OF USES VIOLENCE TO SOLVE A PROBLEM, THAT´S WHAT YOU LEARN.

CHILDREN WHO LIVE WITH FAMILY VIOLENCE, CHILDREN WHO ARE ABUSED ARE MUCH MORE LIKELY TO EITHER BECOME ANOTHER VICTIM, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN A MARRIAGE, OR A PERPETRATOR.

>> HMM.

>> SO IT´S, WHEN I TOLD YOU BEGINNING, THIS IS HIGH STAKES.

>> YES.

>> BECAUSE IF WE CAN WORK WITH THE CHILDREN, THEN WE CAN CHANGE WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM AS ADULTS.

>> AS ADULTS.

DO YOU THINK OUR TERRITORY CODDLES ABUSERS?

>> I DON´T KNOW IF IT CODDLES ABUSERS.

I THINK THE DEFINITION OF WHAT IS ABUSE AND WHAT IS NOT IS, THE LEGAL DEFINITION IS NOT AMBIGUOUS AT ALL, BUT WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE?

WHAT IS REPORTABLE?

IT´S VERY BLURRY.

I HAVE YET SOME SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME, SPANKING, SPEEDING AND ABUSE.

SAME, VIOLENCE.

WHY IS IT THAT WE FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO USE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT SPANKING AND BEATINGS TO CHANGE BEHAVIOR AND ONLY DO IT WITH CHILDREN.

YOU DON´T DO THAT TO ADULTS.

WHAT IF MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP AND SPANKED ME BECAUSE I WENT OUT AND SPEND $200 ON A CREDIT CARD AT KMART?

MANY PEOPLE FEEL THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO -- WHAT SHOULD POLICE -- IF BEATING A CHILD CHANGES THEIR BEHAVIOR, WOULD WE USE IT WITH ADULTS IN THE CRIMINAL SYSTEM?

>> NO.

>> SO WHY IS IT WE FEEL A CHILD HAS TO FEEL BAD AND SHAMEFUL TO CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR?

TELL YOU WHAT, WHEN YOU BEAT A CHILD THEY ARE NOT SITTING THERE THINKING WHAT THEY DID WRONG AND WHAT THEY´LL DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

THEY ARE LOOKING FOR REVENGE OR HOW TO NOT GET CAUGHT.

DISCIPLINE IS ABOUT TEACHING BEHAVIOR.

GOOD PARENTING ISN´T CONTROLLING YOUR CHILD´S BEHAVIOR.

IT´S CONTROLLING YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR WHEN YOUR CHILD ISN´T.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU´RE MAKING ME FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF HERE.

>> GOOD.

>> BECAUSE IT IS A STRUGGLE.

>> OH, MY GOSH.

>> AND I -- I CAME FROM A CULTURE WHERE SPANKING, BEATING, WHOOPING, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, THAT´S OUR CUSTOM.

YOU KNOW, IT´S OUR CUSTOM.

>> IT IS.

>> BUT I CHOSE, I CHOSE AS I BECAME A MOTHER, I CHOSE TO -- TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY, AND I´M NOT SAYING I´VE NEVER SPANKED THEM.

DEFINITELY HAVE, BUT I CAN PROBABLY COUNT ON TWO HANDS.

YOU KNOW?

AND THEY´RE 13 AND 10 AT THIS POINT.

I HAVE A LOT MORE CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, OH, YOU LET THEM TALK BACK TOO MUCH.

NO.

THEY´RE GOING TO LEARN HOW TO REASON.

WITH ME, WITH THEMSELVES.

HOW TO WORK THROUGH IT IN THEIR BRAINS BECAUSE I´M NOT GOING TO BE THERE ALL THE TIME.

ME BEATING THEM IS ONLY OUT OF MY OWN ANGER, AND IT´S NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR THEM.

SO I CAN´T -- I CAN´T -- LIKE IT DOESN´T -- I CAN´T EVEN BRING MYSELF.

I´M LIKE, LIVID, I´M SCREAMING, I´M LIKE, WHY -- THIS, THAT, AND I JUST WANT TO -- BUT I CAN´T.

I CAN´T EVER BRING MYSELF TO DO IT.

IT FEELS LIKE ABUSE FOR ME.

PROBABLY BECAUSE I KNOW BETTER.

>> WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER YOU DO BETTER.

>> YES.

>> AND I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.

10 AND 13?

>> AH THAT 13.

13 YEARS OLD, SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.

BUT -- WHEN -- WE USUALLY, WHEN IT´S A PARENT RESORTS TO VIOLENCE, TO BEATING, THEIR EMOTIONS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.

>> YES.

>> WHEN THAT´S YOUR GO-TO, THAT IS ABUSE.

BECAUSE IT DISCIPLINE, YOU´RE SUPPOSED TO TEACH, AND GUIDE.

WHEN A CHILD HITS ANOTHER CHILD WE CALL IT THEIR AGGRESSIVE.

WHEN AN ADULT HITS ANOTHER ADULT, IT´S ASSAULT.

SO -- WHY DO WE CALL AN ADULT HITS A CHILD DISCIPLINE?

>> I AGREE WITH THAT.

>> SO -- THIS COMES FROM A MASTER/SLAVE MENTALITY.

BEATING OF CHILDREN.

THIS IS REALLY, THIS WHITE COLLAR -- >> THANK YOU.

SORRY, BUT -- THANK YOU.

>> YOU´RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS, BUT IT REALLY DOES.

YOU KNOW?

IT COMES FROM ATTEMPT TO CONTROL.

WE JUST WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BLINDLY OBEY ADULTS, BECAUSE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?

GET IN A CAR WITH SOMEONE THEY THINK THEY KNOW AND SOME PLACE THEY DON´T NEED TO BE IN IN OVER THEIR HEADS.

WE DO WANT OUR CHILDREN TO TALK TO US.

WE DON´T WANT SASSING BUT HONEST DIALOGUE AND THAT IS KEY IN PREVENTING SEXUAL ABUSE WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE THEY´VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE FREE OF JUDGMENT AND THAT IT WILL BE AN OKAY CONVERSATION.

THAT´S THE NUMBER ONE PIECE.

>> TALKED ABOUT ABUSE IN THE HOME.

WHAT ABOUT CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN SCHOOLS?

>> WELL, OH, MY GOODNESS.

NOW I AM GOING TO CRY.

THE DEFINITION OF CORPORAL PUNISHMENT IN THE SCHOOL IS THE, THE INTENTION IS TO INFLICT PAIN AND HUMILIATION IN ORDER TO DISCOURAGE DISRUPTIVE AND UNDESIRABLE BEHAVIOR.

PAIN AND HUMILIATION.

OKAY.

THINK ABOUT IT.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BOSS THAT´S HUMILIATED YOU, YELLED AT YOU IN FRONT OF -- WERE YOU MORE MOTIVATED?

>> NO.

>> NOT AT ALL.

I THINK I LEFT.

>> YES.

YET THEY´RE POWERLESS WHEN THAT HAPPENS TO THEM BECAUSE THEY´RE IN SCHOOL, THEY´RE AT HOME, AND SO WHEN THEY´RE VERBALLY ABUSED, AND THEY FEEL HELPLESS THEY ACT OUT.

DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, PROMISCUOUS BEHAVIOR.

NUMBING BY DRUGGING AND DRINKING.

>> EXACTLY.

>> THAT´S SOMETHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR.

>> YEAH.

LIKE, MY SONS, THIS JUST HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY.

HE IS -- HE´S A STICKLER FOR GRADES.

DOESN´T LIKE WHEN HE GETS BAD GRADES.

DOESN´T LIKE WHEN YOU´RE TELLING HIM HE´S NOT DOING WELL.

HE WILL HAVE A MELTDOWN.

>> OKAY.

WE GOT TO TALK.

>> YEAH.

HAVE A COMPLETE MELTDOWN.

SO, YOU KNOW, HIS TEACHER WAS QUESTIONING HIM, AND I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT´S VIRTUAL.

WHERE´S YOUR ASSIGNMENT?

YOU DIDN´T TURN IN YOUR ASSIGNMENT.

NO.

I TURNED IT IN, MADE SURE I TURNED IT THE OTHER DAY WITH ALL QUESTIONS, I CAN´T REMEMBER THE FULLNESS OF THE CONVERSATION BUT I KNOW THAT SHE WAS HUMILIATING HIM.

YOU KNOW?

AND SHE WAS LIKE, WOULD YOU RATHER -- YOU GOT A 70.

RATHER A 0?

BEING CYNICAL.

THIS IS A 10-YEAR-OLD.

EVEN I WAS GETTING UPSET.

AND SHE MOVED -- HE GOT UP, HAD A MELTDOWN.

SHE´S -- IT´S NOT EVEN ABOUT MY GRADE BECAUSE I GOT A 70, WHICH I´M NOT HAPPY WITH, BUT JUST ABOUT HOW SHE´S TALKING TO ME AND THREATENING ME WITH A 0 BECAUSE I DIDN´T -- WHATEVER.

AND I´M GETTING UPSET BUT HAVE TO USE THAT OPPORTUNITY TO TEACH HIM TO ALLOW PEOPLE, BAD ATTITUDES TO ROLL OFF HIS BACK.

YOU KNOW, CAN YOU NOT -- >> YOU HAVE TO PREPARE THE CHILD FOR THE PATH.

>> I OVERHEARD THE SAME TEACHER SAYING TO ANOTHER KID, YOU KNOW, WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

I´M GOING TO SHOW THE WHOLE CLASS WHATEVER IT WAS SHE WAS GOING TO SHOW THEM AND I WAS SO UPSET.

LIKE, LUCKY THING IT´S NOT MY CHILD.

CAN´T JUST INTERRUPT.

IF THAT WAS MY KID, YOU´RE NOT GOING TO EMBARRASS MY CHILD.

CALL ME, WE CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION AND CORRECT WHATEVER´S HAPPENING IN THE CLASS.

A LOT, IT´S JUST INGRAINED IN OUR CULTURE.

>> WITH PARENTS, IT´S HOW WE WERE PARENTED.

>> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY.

INGRAINED IN OUR CULTURE AS A TERRITORY.

INGRAINED, MOSTLY BLACK PEOPLE.

I´LL PUT IT OUT THERE.

MOSTLY BLACK PEOPLE.

WE GET RIGHT -- WE THINK THAT HUMILIATING AND INFLICTING PAIN IS A WAY OF DISCIPLINING OUR CHILDREN, OR CURTAILING BEHAVIORS.

IT´S NOT.

WISER FOSTER, LEARN HOW TO LIE BETTER.

THEY DON´T REACH THEIR FULL POTENTIAL.

>> CHILD ABUSE IS ANYTHING THAT MAKE AS CHILD FEEL LESS THAN WONDERFUL.

>> YOU BET.

BUT WE -- WE HAVE TO -- WE GET STUCK AND THIS IS HOW WE WERE PARENTED AND TURNED OUT FINE.

ADVOCATING TO USE VIOLENCE AGAINST CHILDHOOD LET´S TALK ABOUT HOW FINE YOU ARE.

BUT WE DO.

WE REPEAT OUR PATTERNS.

TAKES TIME TO BREAK OUT OF IT.

>> AND SELF-ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

DISSECTING YOURSELF TO REALIZE THAT, KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE A LOT OF MY BEHAVE SIR -- BEHAVIOR IS BECAUSE OF THIS.

TAKES A LOT OF SELF-REFLECTION BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE ON ANOTHER PERSON THE WAY THEY FULLY DESERVE TO BE LOVED.

>> KNOW YOUR TRAUMA TRIGGERS.

FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER, INTERVENTION PROGRAMS AND PARENT EDUCATION CLASSES, WE TALK ABOUT THAT.

PARENT EDUCATION CLASSES.

>> YES.

>> WONDERFUL NEWS.

>> WE WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH DISCIPLINE AND HOW TO, TO BREAK THE CHAIN OF YOU KNOW, CORPORAL PUNISHMENT BEING THEIR GO-TO.

>> DO YOU HAVE TO BE A VICTIM OF ABUSE OR -- DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN OPEN CASE IN ORDER TO COME TO THE FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER AND SAY, HEY, I WANT TO JOIN ONE OF THESE PARENT CLASSES?

I DON´T KNOW WHAT I´M DOING?

>> NO.

>> NO?

>> NO.

BECAUSE IT CAN BE PREVENTATIVE.

>> OKAY.

>> COME TO THE PARENT EDUCATION CLASS TO PREVENT THIS COURT INVOLVEMENT.

>> CORRECT.

>> I WOULD MUCH RATHER GET YOU BEFORE YOU PERPETRATED.

>> PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN A CURE.

>> AGREED.

>> DEFINITELY.

IS THERE ANY -- IF THERE WAS ANYTHING TO STAND ON A SOAP BOX AND SAY TO OUR COMMUNITY WHAT WOULD IT BE?

>> OH, BOY.

>> THAT´S A LOADED QUESTION, I KNOW.

>> WELL, IF I COULD CHANGE ONE THING IT WOULD BE FOR US TO STOP BEATING OUR CHILDREN.

IT MAKES NO SENSE.

>> YES.

>> AND IT HAS SUCH GREAT DETRIMENTAL EFFECTS ON THEIR BRAINS, ON THEIR ACADEMICS, ON THEIR SOCIAL SKILLS.

>> YEAH.

>> THERE ARE, IT´S HARDER, OH, IT´S HARD.

EASY TO SPANK A CHILD AND SEND THEM TO THEIR ROOM.

SO MUCH HARDER TO DO THAT INTERACTION AND THAT TALKING, EXPLAIN, YES, PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT, BECAUSE IF YOU DON´T I´LL GET A TICKET AND -- SO MUCH HARDER.

>> I HAVE TO TELL MY CHILDREN.

GIVE ME A MINUTE.

WHEN YOU SEE ME LIKE THIS, JUST DON´T COME IN MY ROOM, DON´T TRY TO EXPLAIN, SAY NOTHING BACK.

WE´LL HAVE A CONVERSATION.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE, BECAUSE I´M TRYING TO COME DOWN TO TALK TO YOU.

>> BECAUSE -- FOR THEM TO LEARN HOW TO REG LATE THEIR EMOTIONS THEY NEED TO SEE YOU DO T. YEAH.

UH-HUH.

>> IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO REGULATE YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOU BEAT YOUR CHILD OR SPANK OR HIT IN A FIT OF ANGER THEY´RE GOING TO THINK THAT´S HOW I SOLVE PROBLEMS.

>> HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT, LIKE -- YOU KNOW, SOME PARENTS MAKE THEIR CHILDREN, LIKE, DO THE -- HOLD OUT BOOKS.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THEM?

WHAT IS THE GOAL?

IF THE GOAL IS MAKE THEM FEEL BAD, PUNITIVE, TO HUMILIATE THEM, THEN -- NO.

>> RIGHT.

>> DISCIPLINE IS TEACHING -- TEACHING ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIORS.

WHEN A WANT A CHILD TO STOP SOMETHING, DON´T JUST SAY STOP PUT JOERG FEET ON THE ABLE.

ADD, THEY BELONG ON THE FLOOR.

REPLACE WHAT YOU DON´T WANT WITH WHAT YOU WANT.

>> UH-HUH.

>> AND -- KNEELING ON GRITS, YOU KNOW?

>> KNEELING ON GRITS, ON RICE.

YOU KNOW?

NOTICE ALL OF -- >> ON THE WALL.

ALL THAT.

>> WE THINK -- THEY´RE GOING TO THEIR ABOUT IT NEXT TIME.

YOU KNOW?

THINKING I´M NOT GOING TO GET CAUGHT DOING THAT ANYMORE.

I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

IT´S NOT PRODUCTIVE.

THEY´RE NOT LEARNING.

THEY NEED TO LEARN, QUIT LEAVING WET DIRTY TOWELS ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE THEY GET MOLDY.

>> A SPECIAL THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US AGAIN.

MAKE SURE YOU JOIN US ON OUR -- SORRY, JOIN US ON OUR WTJX FACEBOOK PAGE.

TUNE IN, JOIN IN THE CONVERSATION.

LET US KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS, MAYBE WHAT YOU´RE BATTLING WITH WHEN IT COMES TO CHILD ABUSE OR MAYBE NOT, BUT TUNE IN AND CHECK US AGAIN NEXT TIME.

SEE YOU LATER.

♫ GO, GO, GO, YEAH ♫ YEAH ♫ ♫ YEAH ♫ YEAH ♫ ♫♫ >>> THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ON THIS PROGRAM ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WTJX, ITS BOARD, STAFF OR UNDERWRITER.